If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
