If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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