fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
