i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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