Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You're like the curious george of whores
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
