4 words: hood of his car
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Randomize
