I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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