I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
