His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize