I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
