I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
