Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
