May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
