She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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