Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
