I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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