No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
