girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
