@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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