I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
