he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
