I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
