I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
