your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
