i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
