So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
