Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
