i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
