every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize