I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
