Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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