wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
