Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
