Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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