evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Randomize
