Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Buhtt sex?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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