Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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