I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
