she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
