My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
