and she was petting her beer can
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
