hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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