ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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