Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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