You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
