True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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