The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm really busy with my period
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