My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Plan B is the new Plan A
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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