So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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