But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
