I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Terrible idea I love it
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
