Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
my sisters under your porch take her home
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
