Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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