WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
he had hair everywhere except his balls
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
