I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
