White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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