I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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