I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
