After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize