A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
