I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
