And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
