I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
