I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
