i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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