I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
