2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
